The Angel Who Knew Better

The Angel Who Knew Better

Unraveling The Knot Inside

As you know, back in the day Satan was an angel. He was up there with God doing what was asked of him and generally having a lovely time in heaven. Then he started to get notions. He started to get ideas about himself and question the way God was doing things. He started to think there might be a better way. 

Now, I don’t know the specifics. I don’t know if there was a suggestion box in heaven and God never read the suggestions. I don’t know if they had brainstorming sessions and God just ignored Satan’s suggestions or said they were terrible ideas, which I think is a mortal sin when it comes to brainstorming because everyone knows there are no bad ideas in a brainstorming session.

I don’t know how it happened exactly, but at some point, Satan got the hump with God and led a rebellion of angels against God. 
It didn’t go well. 
Satan and his co-conspirators were banished to hell and they have been waging a war on God ever since.

So Satan was very naughty and God was great. This is the story we have filed away under, “childhood things.” It is down there with the tooth fairy and Santa Claus. We don’t think we believe the story because we are adults now and very sophisticated. Now we have experience and know how the world works.

We don’t like to think there is a part of us that still believes the story. It is also the part of us that wants the magic of Christmas to be true. The part that wants, It’s a wonderful life to be true. We want the good person, the ordinary person, we want them to win.  We want to feel like some things are certain in life. That we know who the good guys are and we know who the bad guys are. We want God to be great and we definitely want God to be winning the battle against Satan.

The slowly tightening knot we feel inside comes from everything being less certain than ever — the betrayals, the coverups, the misdirections, the profiteering, the corruption, the fake news to the point where nothing can be trusted. At this stage, we are just waiting for Santa Claus to be exposed as a paedophile and It’s a wonderful life to be revealed as some sort of CIA psyop.

Statistically, there are less terrible things happening in the world than ever yet it doesn’t feel like that. It feels like things are getting worse. World peace feels very far away while at the same time closer than ever. Just like war, which always felt like it was somewhere else, somewhere, “over there.” Well, “over there,” seems much closer in a way than ever before, and behind it all is the sickening feeling that the battle of good and evil isn’t a kid’s story, that good is not doing so well and evil is spiraling out of control. 

The God Concept

As I might have mentioned before, I had a lovely realisation of God when I was fifteen. In an instant, I went from God being a concept to knowing God. It was like hearing lots of different ideas about bread, for example, and then having some bread. There was the concept of bread and then there was knowing bread.
All the concepts I had about God disappeared including the name, “God.” It just didn’t fit anymore.
Knowing God might sound like it made everything crystal clear. It didn’t.

For me, knowing God would be like an atom in the fingernail of my little finger becoming conscious of what it was.
It would know it was part of a much bigger thing.
It would know it was comprised of the same stuff that the bigger thing was comprised of.
It would know that in some way it went to make up the bigger thing.
It would know that the bigger thing moved.
It wouldn’t know why or what the reasons for the movements were but it could feel the movement. I could be waving, or clapping, or writing, all of which would make sense to me because I know what I am doing but from the perspective of the atom in my little fingernail it would be a mystery.
All it could sense is the movement.

Its perspective would be very limited. It would have no comprehension, or frame of reference, for the atoms in my eyeball, for example, or the atoms in my brain, or the atoms in my right ankle, or even the idea of a right ankle. All it would know is fingernails.

This is what it is like for me. What I know of God is minuscule in comparison to what I don’t know of God. That is why I talk about the mystery because most of it is a mystery to me. I know I am made of the same stuff and that I go to make up the bigger thing that is called God. I can feel the movement of this bigger thing. I don’t know what the movement is for but I can feel it.

In a way, realistations are like stories. There is no way to prove them beyond our own personal experience. So what is true for me may not be true in your experience. I am sharing my experience with you, not because I think it is “the truth.” I don’t know. I could be completely wrong. What I do know is that my knowledge of God gives me a lot of comfort and maybe it will give you some comfort too, particularly with the battle of good and evil story. 

Good and Evil and the Mystery

This is where Satan comes in. Satan and his polar opposite, the concept of God described in the story. They are two sides of the same coin — the coin that is existence. The thing is, what I know as God is not in existence, it is in the mystery beyond existence.

In existence, there is a battle for good and evil, it is part of how things work in existence. Existence is a place of opposites, light and dark, up and down, good and evil. What I know as God is not in existence and has no opposites. There is no duality in the mystery.

I think you may know this in your own experience too. If you are like me, you go into the mystery in deep dreamless sleep. Where are good and evil in deep dreamless sleep? Where is God losing control in deep dreamless sleep?
In my experience, nowhere.

The feeling that God has lost control comes from looking at the mystery through the concept of God and the lens of existence and when we do that, we think the mystery operates like everything else in existence, in opposition to something else. 

So in existence – good and evil. 
Out of existence – the mystery. 
Did the “good,” in existence create existence? No. 
Is the “good,” in existence running the show? No.

Good and evil are balanced in the same way breathing is balanced. We take just as many in-breaths as we do out-breaths. When we breathe out, are we afraid there will be no more air to breathe in? No.

It is easy to see the balance with breathing because we are neutral about it. We don’t favor one part over the other. We don’t favor breathing in over breathing out. We understand that they are in balance.
Not so easy to do with good and evil. With good and evil we favor good because evil is so awful. 
This is where my knowledge of the mystery really helps me. I am keenly aware my perspective is very limited. I know there is a bigger picture and I know that I don’t see it. 

When I look at the world it often makes no sense to me. I feel the movement of the mystery in it but I don’t understand why most of the things happen the way they do. 

What I do know is that the mystery knows what it is doing. 

I don’t make the mistake of thinking I know what should be happening. 
If the atom in my fingernail thought it knew better than I did and went against the movement I was making it would create chaos in my body.  
I focus on being the best fingernail atom in the vast body of the mystery that I can be. I attend to the mystery within and without, and take action accordingly.

I do my best not to be the angel who knew better. 

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