innsbruck dispatch 5

Innsbruck Dispatch ~ .a cúig

What did I go to Innsbruck for if it wasn’t for skiing? 

As you know, I am a reasonably calm person. Years of meditation have helped undo the damage childhood trauma and abuse did to my nervous system. Meditation has also helped me become very familiar with my inner landscape and this in turn helps me notice stress easily and to stop it accumulating unconsciously. 

It is this self-awareness that alerts me to the unusually high levels of anxiety I am experiencing in the early days of my time in Innsbruck. 

‘Well this is odd,’ I think and sit down to reflect on what is causing it. I can’t see any reason. Innsbruck is a very safe town and the people there are friendly. 

I do note that I am less anxious when I am in my Airbnb. Except, that is, when the church bells ring, which happens every hour or so. This is unusual because I have lived near churches before and the bells never affected me.

The other thing I note is that the anxiety is particularly heightened when I go outside. What keeps happening is I set off for a walk around the town with the intention of finding a pleasant little somewhere to stop in for a cup of tea. I set off and immediately my anxiety levels increase. As I walk around I look into the windows of many lovely coffee shops, tea rooms, strudel houses, and restaurants. 
I look in. 
I look at the framed menu at the door. 
I look in the window some more. 
Then I keep walking. 
I arrive back at my Airbnb without having gone in anywhere.  There is something about entering the cafe or coffee shop that is causing my nervous system to freak out.
All very curious but I have no idea why. This goes on for about two weeks.

Medieval Memories

Towards the end of the second week, I am just finishing up the behind-the-scenes section of a one-to-one session. I am deep in meditation and am just disengaging from the other person’s system when I suddenly have a full-body memory of what people call a past life or more specifically a past death. 

In my one-to-one sessions, I work in the mystery.  I am very familiar with the images and voices that come from the psychic world and the influence they try to exert. They are not my focus and I keep bringing everything back to the mystery in which there is nothing to speak of, no voices, no verbal answers, no images. 

Having said that, every now and then something will emerge from the mystery. It is very different from attempted influence from the psychic world which always has a quality of linear time to it. One thought leads to another, leads to another, and so on. 

When something emerges from the mystery it all comes at the same time in a single package of knowledge. All in a single instant. 

In this particular package, I knew I was turned on by a group of people and put to death by being broken on the wheel. I knew the people killed me for religious reasons and that this had all happened in Innsbruck not far from where I was staying. 

In the instant of this knowing my nervous system changed and regulated. All the anxiety left my body.

Now my inability to enter coffee shops made sense. There was an unconscious part of me that was putting the past onto the present and basically saying it is not safe because “These people will kill you. Just like they did before!”

As part of the package I know I am in Innsbruck to heal this piece of unconsciousness in me and also to allow the energy field in Innsbruck to heal. 

From then on I have no problem going into coffee shops or anywhere else for that matter and all the anxiety from before is gone.

This is not the first time I have had an experience like this. I hesitate to call these rememberings past life memories because it promotes the idea of a continuous thread of, “me,” running back in time. The idea that I had a past life in which different things happened to me. The same me, but different, but mainly me. 

I understand where this kind of thinking comes from but I don’t think it is what is actually going on.

The Cult of “I” 

From an early age, I was encouraged to see myself as a singular identity, maybe you were too. “These are your shoes.” “This is your teddy bear.” “That is your foot.”  

By adulthood, we are fully into the swing of it and joining in ourselves. “This is my house.” “This is my car.” “This is my body.”  “I am this kind of person.” “My mind is who I am.” We worry about what people will think of us. “Am I too fat?” “Too thin?” “Do my clothes look good?” “Does my car reflect who I am?” “What lasting impact will I have in the world?” “What will my legacy be?” “Will I be remembered?” “Will I continue on after death?” 

In short, we take it all very personally. Yet when we look at the basics of what goes to make us up, what this thing is that we are so identified with, we can get a clue from our bodies. Our lovely little bodies that we are so attached to and identify with so much.

Past Life or Past bits of a Life?

Apparently, if you have a very big microscope, you can see that our bodies are comprised of cells. When you zoom in on those cells, you can see that the cells are made of atoms, and those atoms were once part of lots of other things.  Yes, we are made from stardust but we are also made up of atoms from all sorts of other things like stones and trees and sparrows and dogs and people.

So the atoms, the building blocks of our bodies, are not unique to us. What is unique about us is the configuration of those atoms.

Tissue Memory

Often when people are releasing trauma they can have memories of the traumatic event even if it happened many years before. I have witnessed this many times and experienced it myself. These memories can be incredibly vivid and include all the senses. 

I particularly remember one lady I worked with who was in her eighties. As she released her birth trauma she could see the green of the hospital walls and smell the either used to anesthetize her mother.

These memories may not be in the brain but are instead stored in the cells of our bodies. This is called tissue memory.

If you find the notion of tissue memory difficult to accept, think of it this way; when you break down the constituent parts of your phone, it is basically comprised of plastics and metals. Yet when configured in a certain way these plastics and metals can remember your birthday, the video you took on your holidays, the password to your bank account, the names and phone numbers of all your friends, and what you will be doing next Wednesday.

The cells in our bodies are a lot more complex than a phone. They store an incredible amount of information and perform a mind-boggling number of tasks every second, it is very plausible that they can also store individual memory.

Subatomic Memories

Apparently, if you have a super large microscope, and you keep zooming in on an atom you discover that it is comprised of 99.99% space. This space is filled with incredibly powerful electric and magnetic force fields. From what we know so far, these fields govern potential energy and are strong enough to give atoms the appearance of being solid.  Along with all the above, it is very plausible that these fields can also store individual memory.

Holographic Memories

The first hologram I ever saw was of a toy steam engine. It was quite remarkable, like looking through a window into a room where the toy steam engine existed. 

It was quite disorienting to look into the hologram and see the three-dimensional train and then look from the side of the hologram which would return to being a flat two-dimensional piece of glass.

The other remarkable thing about holograms is that if they are shattered, each fragment contains the whole image. Unlike a two-dimensional image which if shattered only contains a part of the overall image, a bit like a jigsaw puzzle. 

With a hologram, each fragment contains the whole image or all the information of the image.  Looking at the image in the fragment of the hologram would be exactly the same as looking in the original bigger pre-fractured image. It is still like looking through a window albeit a much smaller window.

It is very plausible to me that the subatomic fields in an atom can also store a holographic memory of a whole life.

Viewed from this perspective, the idea of a continuous, “I,” seems less likely. When we let go of the conditioned, “me,” and, “mine,” approach,  “This is my house.” “This is my car.” “This is my body.”  “I am this kind of person.” “My mind is who I am,” and instead come from the perspective of, “I have a house.” “I have a car.” “I have shoes.” “I have a body.” “I have a personality.” “I have a mind,” it is easier to see that our bodies are made up from little pieces of lots of other things, some of which were other people from the past.

These little pieces contain holographic memories of the whole life and death, and sometimes we remember them.

No Fun!

I know this is a party-pooping sort of perspective because it is much more fun to think I was once an Aztec high priest or a fat cardinal in the Middle Ages or something else glamorous and dramatic. 

My direct experience of becoming more conscious is that this is not the case. Instead is the slow realisation that this mind and body and personality, and the idea of, “I,” is not actually what I am. 

Through meditation, we can begin to see our thoughts arising and in the observing of our thoughts arising, we begin to see that we cannot be the thing that we observe. 

“I thought I was worrying about the electricity bill, but now I can see the thought of the electricity bill arising. I can see the thought thinking about the electricity bill, and I see that if I am looking at that thought, then I can’t be that thought. I am something else entirely.”

So if this personality and individuality I am so attached to is not who I truly am, then the idea that “I,” was once a religious martyr in Innsbruck is even less likely. 

Unconsciousness Becoming Conscious

This seems to be the main process we are all engaged in – becoming more conscious.

It is like we each have a bag of unconsciousness that we spend our whole life transforming into consciousness and this goes on whether we are conscious of it or not.

What are called past lives are part of that process.

There is a tiny part of me that was once part of a person who was killed in a gruesome way in Innsbrook, and it serves my growth in consciousness to have that tiny part included in my system and help that unconscious part become conscious, just like any other part of unconsciousness in me.

Boring, I know in comparison to flamboyant past lives, but the fact that everything disappears each night in deep dreamless sleep is a dead giveaway to what is really going on and helps me not get distracted from the intense reality of the mystery.









Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash


2 responses to “Innsbruck Dispatch ~ .a cúig”

  1. Fascinating John. When I was a massage therapist, I remember working on various people: when I hit a particularly tight place where an old injury was held, there was always memories held within the tissue. The gentle massage would often have the person spontaneously talking about the memory or some emotional release would occur while they lay on the massage table. I recently started working on a new body of paintings about my body- I soon got terribly sick- the act of painting about ‘acceptance of my body’ caused my body to release what it no longer wanted. What does Rumi say: ‘the body is an astrolabe for the Spirit’

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